She sits in the dark on the ground next to the fire pit that he made. Slowly she feeds the fire, one piece of paper at a time. Is the pain of a lifetime burning in that fire? Memory after memory going up in flames. Another piece of paper, this time she pokes at the fire. Is she imagining someone or just making sure the fire doesn't go out? Another piece of paper and the flame shoots higher. The flames dance, mesmerizing her with the ever shifting colors. Is she picturing him in the flames? Another piece of paper, the smoke gets in her eyes and she wipes away a tear. Is she relieved he's gone or just so tired that it doesn't matter anymore? Another piece of paper …

Pattern number 117 from Crochet & Creative Design by Annette Feldman

Multiple of 18 ch:

Row 1: With MC, ch 1, 1 sc in 2nd ch from hk, * 1 sc in next ch, repeat from * across, ch 1, turn.

Row 2: With MC, 2 sc in 1st sc, *1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (insert hk in next sc, yo and draw through) twice, yo and draw through 3 lps on hk (1 dec made), 1 dec over next 2 sc, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (2 sc in next sc) twice, repeat from * across and end 1 sc in each of last 7 sc, insert hk in last sc worked, yo and draw through, drop MC, with CC yo and draw through 2 lps on hk, ch 1 turn.

Row 3: With CC, 2 sc in 1st sc, * 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (1 dec over next 2 sts) twice, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (2 sc in next sc) twice, repeat from * across and end 2 sc in last sc, ch1, turn.

Row 4: With CC, 2 sc in 1st sc, * 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (1 dec over next 2 sts) twice, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (2 sc in next sc) twice, repeat from * across and end 1 sc in each of last 7 sc, insert hk in last sc worked, drop CC, with MC yo and draw through 2 lps on hk, ch 1, turn.

Row 5: With MC, 2 sc in 1st sc, * 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (1 dec over next 2 sc) twice, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (2 sc in next sc) twice, repeat from * across and end 2 sc in last sc, ch 1 turn.

Repeat rows 2 through 5 for pattern.

My heart is still pounding. I let the girls out to pottie and I look up and Katey goes shooting across the road and into the neighbor's yard. I was over there almost as quick but by the time I had gotten there she had sniffed Pepper's butt and was looking up at Coleen wanting to say hello to the dog she was holding. Coleen calmly put her hand down and grabbed Katey's collar and she let her and sat down. She then let me lead her home, w/o getting all excited. I know she was thinking "I'm in trouble, I'm in trouble, here comes the muzzle, I'm in big trouble." I got her hooked up and she squatted and peed. The whole time Tracey's barking her fool head off wanting in on the action. It was harder to calm Tracey down than Katey. Katey actually acted like a good girl, I'm so surprised!!!

Okay. My heart is slowing down a little now.

I'm trying to stay up until the clinic opens at 9:00. I need to call in some scripts and make appointments for me and Jeremy. Jeremy for a follow-up on his ER / Acute visit. Me b/c the nerves in my left arm are bothering me. Most of the time the palm of my hand is semi-numb, and feels spongy. Even as I type this I'm noticing that I'm having trouble typing with my fourth & fifth finger. I hope they don't think that I'm having heart trouble b/c I'm having trouble with my left arm. Just my luck they'll hook me up to machines and say that now I've got to stay over.

Okay, nothing else to write, I'm going to go play with my farms on Farm Ville.

Friday we went to Jeremy's doctor appointment and the nurse took his vitals, the doc came in and sent him over to the ER. ER kept him for a few hours waiting for test results then sent him over to Acute and he stayed the night.

I did not like having him there. It's one thing to have him sleeping upstairs while I'm downstairs or me sleeping upstairs and him downstairs AND a completely different thing having him not here at all.

I got a good taste of what it would be like if he actually did die AND I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT! It's good incentive to keep on the diet plan that we've started the other day.

The animals didn't like it either. Begherra kept looking out the window for him and Katie went from room to room looking for him.

And I realized something today. Begherra came to see if I was a 'bergular' today. He didn't do that when Jeremy wasn't here. It's part of his way of protecting Jeremy.

It's funny how the animals all have their different ways of taking care of him. Sweet Pea snuggles with him. Tracey sits with him when he's on the toilet and gives him kisses. Katey pretty much ignores him unless his sugar is off and she pesters him then. Begherra protects him from 'bergulars' and Nermal just plain ignores him completely unless she's cold and wants to snuggle to get warm.

Okay, I'm off to bed. Time to snuggle and get some good shut eye before someone has out to "oot and aboot" or I need to make something eat for Jeremy.

The North End is loosing too much

So last month Maple Manor closed. 60+ workers lost their jobs. Long Term hired 3 aides from there, no nurses or administration. Who knows where the housekeepers and kitchen crew are working, if at all.

Because of that Beacon ambulance closed. Aspirus is stepping in as a short term stop gap SONCO is letting them use a bus. Its not a long term fix.

And now the mill is closing. Approximately Sept 15 is the last day.

Unreal. There's going to be nothing to keep people here.

People so are on a fixed income are what's going to be keeping the economy going. How does THAT work?

I thought of Henry today ...

So I read something today that was very interesting. Sadly it reminded me of the Henry Kisor books.

Here's what I read in the Ironwood Daily Globe today:

Body found may be missing Illinois man

HAIGHT TOWNSHIP -- The Ontonagon Sheriff's Department found a man dead Saturday after investigating an abandoned vehicle off Forest Highway 5311 in Haight Township.

The vehicle was registered under the name of a man reported involuntarily missing from Carpentersville, Ill.

Maciej Karwacki, 29, was last seen in June. About 300 yards west of the vehicle, Karwacki was found hanging from a tree.

It sounds like something Steve Martinez would look into. Reminds me of a couple of Henry's stories wrapped together.

It should be interesting to see how he fits into Ontonagon County. Haight Township is the south end, Bruce Crossing - Paulding area. I tried to look up the Forest Highway but couldn't find it on Map Quest or Yahoo Maps. I did find a map of the Ottowa Forest that has all the Forest Highways on it, but it was so little that I couldn't read it. It looks like someone just scanned it in. In fact I think I owned that map 15 years ago. I distinctly remember being facinated by all those back roads and how you can get from one place to another and never have to drive down the highway. You might have to cross the highways but that's it. Anyway, I will have to remember to go to the local Forest Service Office here in Ontonagon. I'm sure Henry's used this type of map as a reference when he wrote his books.

59 degrees and rain. Feels like October. The rain is a fine drizzle the kind that quickly turns to sleet.

My back is getting worse. Thankfully I was paper work last night otherwise I would have ended up in the ER. I'm staying up and calling the clinic as soon as they open. I will take whoever I can get. Hopefully it's Jennifer Weaver. Jeremy saw her a couple weeks ago and I liked her, wouldnl't mind having her for me too. I'm afraid that all the doctor will say is eat right, exercise and loose weight. I'm sure that would help, but something's wrong.

Finally got my cornmeal colored yarn. I love it. I can't wait to work on that afghan again. Will have to dig it out later today and get it set up by the tv.

Called in last night

Called in last night. My hip and back have been bothering me. Even just walking around Family $, Vinnies and Pamida today hurt. I'm hoping after the swelling goes down in my knee a little more I won't be favoring it and it won't hurt my back. It only hurts when I walk and pick stuff up, so who knows.

It's 67 degrees out, but it feels alot cooler. It's overcast and looks like the sky could let loose anytime now. It's starting to feel like fall, leaves are starting to change already.

So we got out and Jeremy got to see the sites. Nothing too exciting was picked up at any of the stores.

I've started Farms for everyone here. What a pain b/c Farmville isn't working properly.

No dead fish here!

Okay, I'm not laying here like a dead fish.

Apparently it's been almost a whole week (gasp! & double gasp!) since I posted anything. Jeremy's threatening to remove me from his bookmarks b/c he's got so much going on that he can't keep 'dead fish' sites in his bookmarks.

I was at Bond Falls Flowage the last two days. Camp Out. It was pretty interesting. Got to hold Marcus, he's a cutie! It was hot and sunny thankfully there are a lot of trees for shade and there was almost always a breeze. I slept at Mom's so that I could sleep late and work last night. Saturday afternoon, I found everyone down at the day beach. The lake is the lowest I've ever seen it. And pretty murky. But the kids didn't seem to mind, water's water and it cooled them off.

I have Tuesday and Wednesday off, can't wait. Don't know what I will do but I will enjoy not working!

I finally got a book I've been waiting for from PBS for months. I broke down and bought it on ebay. Another book finally became available on PBS that I've been waiting for for a good while too. Now the only books I REALLY want are ones that haven't been released yet. I'm guessing I'll have to buy them, they won't be available on PBS for a good year yet. Doesn't hurt to be on the list.

Okay time for a shower and chill before work. Get the game face on and brace for work.

Anther weekend, another rain delayed race at Watkins Glen. The race is slated to start in 1/2 hour on ESPN. I just googled the weather for the race track and after 6 pm tonight there's a 50% chance of storms again. So six hours for 90 laps.

It's been hot and muggy this last few days. The first really unbearable weather of the summer. Jeremy's been upstairs alot this last weekend. His fibro and neuropothy is kicking his butt.

I made an appointment to get my hair cut again this Thursday. I will make another appointment before I leave.

The camp out is next weekend. Hope it's not too stressful. Who knows with family.

My but will probably be dragging, I didn't get much sleep. Maybe 4 hours tops. I was planning on getting a little sleep downstairs and watching the race when it started. Jeremy came down at about 11 and told me that it was raining cats and dogs and I went upstairs to get a few hours sleep. At 2 he woke me up and I stayed up until after 4 waiting for the race to start.

By then Katey's facebook page was started and I've been messing with that for a while.

I also tried a few things with the beads but didn't get it right. I'm ready to ditch them all. I have just enough stuff to have a lot invested in it and not enough to do much of anything anymore. I need to get more beads if I'm going to go on but lately I just can't justify it b/c it's so expensive and doesn't repay itself and it's not like I wear any of it anymore. I've tried at least wearing the earrings but every time I wear them I end up wearing a face mask and they get all tangled up in the mask.

I just watched the Sgt Crowley interview, the last 10 minutes at least, it was on Fox when I turned on the news. He didn't let the press walk over him. He stopped them from interrupting him on numerous occasions. Firmly let them know what he would talk about and what he wouldn't and when they reasked the same questions in various ways, he stood his ground. Got to have respect for him for the whole way he's handled the whole situation.

One of the men that Greta interview after the press conference of Sgt Crowley brought up an interesting point. The whole beer summit is another diversion. In one hour Obama said that doctors are thieves (he sited the doctor who was doing unnecessary tonsillectomies) and after saying that he didn't know about what happened that the police acted stupidly. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! And turns out they DIDN'T act stupidly. Someone talking about what he didn't know and giving a strong opinion on what he doesn't know anything about is THE DEFINITION of acting stupidly. Turns out that Obama isn't alone thou. I work with people who do the same thing ALL the time. They aren't there, don't know the variables, most importantly they don't ask, just go on and on to anyone who will listen.

The weather man was WRONG, and we didn't go rock hunting. On a good note we hit Vinnies and made out like bandits. Jeremy got a boat load of Louis and I got a few really good books about sewing and crochet. There's a knitting pattern that I can turn into crochet for 'snuggy' type throw that I've been trying to perfect on my own. I also got more of the yarn from Pamida. Guess when they discontinue something I shouldn't give up hope of ever seeing it there again b/c I bought them out when they were clearance priced and have been back three more time and bought out three more times.

Just writing this so I don't completely forget all the symptoms b/c I'm good at that.

The last three times I've eaten/taken my meds I've had stomach aches afterward. The top part of my stomach.

And my nerves are shooting pains in various spots. Mainly in my inner right knee, but also my right foot and my left arm is doing the tooth aching thing in the ulna nerve again.

Don't know what's related and what's not, but am going to keep track of these things so maybe at some point I can figure out what's up with me.

I got Five books from PBS today. Two of the books the order had been canceled. I gave the member credit b/c I really really wanted one of the books, otherwise I would have felt obligated to send the books back. Actually I could have and should have only given them credit for the one I wanted and send the other back. Oh well, too late now. I am a credit down, but have one book mailed so I will have a credit when they receive it. Otherwise I will have to buy credits to pay for it.

It's been a weird day. I had yesterday off and slept like I would normally to go to work. Had to be up for 1:30 for a Dr appointment for Jeremy.

I would have to say the Dr is proving to be more and more of a quack. He welcomed us into the room and said "Good to see you Jerry." Jeremy was really good about it, said, "It's Jeremy, my name's Jeremy." The Dr back peddled and apologized. Jeremy did good not to tell the guy off. During the whole appointment he talked to me and not Jeremy. And he went over non-important things. He went on & on me having trouble getting his meds. I actually had to redirect him!

Mom called today. Of course they wanted rent. She was good about it when I told her we didnt' have it right now. Dad wants us to buy the house. The tax credit would be for $2,000 tops. Don't know if it would be worth it right now. I told Dad not to get all excited about us buying it b/c we had to pay off the truck first and that wasn't until next spring. Mom tried to press us to figure out a way to do it still this year so we could use the tax credit. She thought it was a flat $8,000. It's 10% or the value of the house up to $8,000. So that will give us a bit of help but not a whole lot. Have to still figure out what we are going to do. Do want to buy it, and it would be nice to get a loan for more to fix the roof, the front steps and add a back porch.

Other things I've learned today:
*Mom's loosing weight. 25# so far. That's really good, I have got to start working on that too.
*Ben is down visiting Cari. Will be there for another 3 weeks or so.
*Dad and Uncle Frank almost needed a search and rescue team to find them out at the Old Choate Logging Town. Actually the problem was they didn't make it there, got lost and really got turned around in the woods. Apparently he didn't remember to bring his compass but remembered his cell phone. Two, no three things.
1) Dad DIDN'T bring his compass? That's the first thing needed when going into the woods.
2) Cell phone? Dad? ???
3) Didn't he learn anything from his last attempt to go fishing there? They didn't last long that time either. He burned his shirt, fell in the river, brought cornmeal instead of powedered egg.
*Mom & Dad have internet on their computer and Ben's lap top. Mom says they aren't using their computer, but give it time, Cari will have her playing Farkle and Farmville on Facebook next time they come visiting.
*Camp-Out is mid August. We won't sleep there, but will most likely be able to visit.

What's with all the killing sprees lately?

Okay, it's one thing to read a murder mystery, but there is WAY too much going on in real life. I must say I'm more likely to stay away from crime mystery books b/c I'm seeing so much of it on the news lately.

8 am, 54 degrees. There are little tomatoes on our tomato plants that are sitting on the front steps. I really didn't think that we'd see much out of them. May still not get anything, if the dogs get to them, but they seem not to even notice them.

No Sprint race today. KY won again last night. I don't even know why I bother to look up the races if I miss them. I should just assume that he won. I did remember to ask for Homestead off. I took Saturday 7 am to Monday 10 pm off.

We aren't going rock hunting. Jeremy's feet are terribly swolen. I made pepperoni, ham & mushroom pizza yesturday, not even thinking that it would so terribly hurt him. It's been a long time since his feet were this swolen. I'm pretty bummed, but don't want to go w/o him and don't want to take him b/c he will be in so much pain.

So today's another stay at home day. I will do laundry and I have got to mow the lawn. Should go start that and get it over with. I also paid bills. Whooowhooo. At least they are paid. And we have enough $$$ for gas and groceries.

Nothing much else is new here. I'm really trying to put off moving, should get going so that I can be back for AMC & OLTL.

Okay, getting off my butt and moving. SLOWLY, BUT MOVING.

NASCAR: Mayfield again tests positive for meth

By JENNA FRYER AP Auto Racing Writer

Jeremy Mayfield tested positive again for methamphetamine, NASCAR said, igniting another round of denials from the driver, who angrily accused the sanctioning body of paying his stepmother to lie about his alleged past drug use.

The positive result from a July 6 random test was included in a U.S. District Court filing Wednesday that asked the federal judge who lifted Mayfield’s drug suspension to reinstate the ban. The filing included an affidavit from Mayfield’s stepmother, Lisa, who said she witnessed the driver using methamphetamine at least 30 times over seven years.

“I don’t trust anything NASCAR does, anything Dr. David Black does, never have, never will,” Mayfield told The Associated Press in a phone interview. Black is the administrator for NASCAR’s drug-testing program.

“And they picked the wrong woman to use against me because that (expletive) is trash and has got nothing on me but lies.”

According to documents, Lisa Mayfield said she first saw the driver use meth in 1998 at a race shop in Mooresville, N.C. She said Mayfield cooked his own drugs until the ingredient pseudoephedrine was taken off the shelves and it became too difficult for Mayfield to obtain the ingredients. She said her stepson then began to purchase meth from others.

“Between 1998 and 2005, I am personally aware that Jeremy used methamphetamines often,” she said in her affidavit. “I was concerned about his heavy use and talked to his father about it. I saw Jeremy use methamphetamine by snorting it up his nose at least 30 times during the 7 years I was around him. Jeremy used methamphetamine not only in my presence, but also when we were both in the presence of others.”

Mayfield contested his stepmother’s account.

“She’s tried everything she can do to get money out of me. I won’t help her, so I guess she found a way to get money from NASCAR by giving them an affidavit full of lies,” he said.

Mayfield was suspended May 9 for failing a random drug test conducted eight days earlier. NASCAR later said he tested positive for methamphetamine.

He sued, and U.S. District Court Judge Graham Mullen issued an injunction July 1 that allowed Mayfield to return to competition. Mullen based his decision on Mayfield’s argument that the testing system is flawed and there was a reasonable likelihood of a false positive. He also gave NASCAR the right to test Mayfield at any time.

NASCAR did just that five days later at Mayfield’s home and said in its filings that the “A” sample had levels of methamphetamine consistent with habitual users who consume high doses.

“My only comment is that’s their result,” Mayfield attorney John Buric said. “But what I want you to keep in mind is that test was performed by the defendants in the case. Aegis Laboratories and Dr. Black are defendants in this case. I don’t know if NASCAR has the right to ask the defendant to test Jeremy’s urine sample. It ought to be done independently, but NASCAR didn’t do that.”

On July 6, Mayfield also had a second test at a lab chosen by his attorneys. Buric said that test came back negative but was sent back to the lab Wednesday for “reconfirmation” after the NASCAR test results were received.

The filing also claims Mayfield and his attorneys have failed to select a qualified laboratory to test the backup “B” sample. Buric acknowledged the two sides are still haggling over a lab for the “B” sample and said NASCAR rejected the lab they picked.

Lisa Mayfield said her stepson told her he used meth before a season-ending NASCAR awards ceremony while driving for Ray Evernham. She also said Mayfield used meth during a 1999 trip to Myrtle Beach that preceded a race at nearby Darlington Raceway.

“We left Myrtle Beach and traveled to Darlington for the race,” she wrote. “I saw Jeremy using methamphetamine again when we reached Darlington.”

Mayfield said all of Lisa Mayfield’s claims were lies based on being monetarily cut off following her husband’s 2007 death.

“She don’t deserve the Mayfield name,” he said. “She’s hated me since my dad got killed because I won’t give her any money. She goes on the Internet and blogs lies about me and Shana (his wife) and everything you can imagine. She’s broke, and I guess she got NASCAR to give her some money.”

Mayfield also said he has independently been tested at least six times since his failed May 1 test, and all came back negative.

Meantime, Mayfield’s lawyers filed their response Wednesday to NASCAR’s motion last week to overturn Mullen’s injunction.

The brief, which didn’t include the results of Mayfield’s latest drug case, argued NASCAR was trying to “fashion the rules to their liking” by not meeting the requirements needed to overturn the ruling. Mayfield’s lawyers argued Mullen had correctly ruled that Mayfield faced irreparable harm from a suspension and doubts remain about the accuracy of NASCAR’s testing policy.

“NASCAR is absolutely corrupted by power, and its untenable motion to stay should be denied,” his lawyers wrote."

I copied and pasted this from Yahoo Sports News. I find this quote very interesting: levels of methamphetamine consistent with habitual users who consume high doses. It's also intresting that Mayfield isn't outright denying the results of the test, he's too busy bashing his Step-Mother.

Okay, so I tried to do an update on Myspace. I hate that site! Will keep it only for playing games.

Worked last night, should go to bed but am not tired yet. Will probably just sleep on the couch until Jeremy comes downstairs. Otherwise I won't get up and get his insulin and he really really needs me to pick it up for him now.

Went shopping today. Should never go shopping when I'm hungry and don't feel like cooking. Got a lot of stuff and most of it's ready to go right now. Good for me, bad for the salt content.

John Holdren ~ Science Czar. Scary guy Laura Ingram was just talking about him on Fox and Friends. He supports population control, taking babies from teenage mothers, and forced sterilization. Are we living in China? Maybe soon.

Work, well, let's just say it's work. Can't wait for the meeting on Wednesday. Should be some interesting stuff going on. Better be! Probably won't be, should be though. Cryptic I know, can't go into details, I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you!

Katey's looking at me like, okay, anytime now, let's shut off the tv, get off the computer, feed the cats and go to bed. Well at I'll feed the cat that's a start.

Jeremy had a rough nite last night. It felt like he was going thru withdrawl from oxy again. I'm guessing it's the neurotin. He took extra over the course of the month and ran out this weekend.

Another nice day. High 60's, sunny. I should mow the lawn, but will wait another day.

I've restarted my pink camo snuggie like wrap. I'm still trying to figure out the arm thing. I have a couple ideas will make one of them work.

We have had to postpone the Agate hunting trip today. Jeremy's retaining water and he's been up all night c/o pain. We are planning for the next time I have two days off, which conveniently is this next week.

Will work on getting all the stuff together so when the time comes we can just grab the stuff and be ready to go.

I'm going to work on catching up on the shows I haven't watched in a while. Watching Royal Pains now and will check out what else I've missed lately. And I've also heard that the Weeds is supposed to be funny too, will see if I can find it.

I got my hair cut yesterday. I didn't realize how much a head could sweat! My hair was wet all night at work and it's only inches long!

Marcus' baby shower is today. I'm too tired to go and really don't feel like attending a baby shower. Not in that good of a mood to play baby shower games and ohh and ahh over baby gifts. Would like to see the Leah & Marcus and Amanda and Orion will be there too would like to see them. I'm sure I will see them all at the KH sometime in the future.

I have the weekend off and am trying to wake up to enjoy it. Only got 3 hours of sleep, probably won't last long. I will be out cold on the couch before long.

The race is tonight and we are going to Agate Beach tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to that. Got the picnic food already, just have to get the rock hunting paraphanalia together. I have a list and have been adding to it, so we should forget anything.

The latest 'drama' at work is something I can actually write about. Krystal eloped a while back and told everyone she was having a 'white gown ceremony' this summer. The invitation to the 'white gown ceremony' was tacked to the bulletin board at the nurses station. The invitation disappeared and then another one was gone the next day. At least she didn't put up a third, guess she figured it out after two, really thought there would be another though, wouldn't have been at all surprised if there's another one there when I get to work next. She's got her panties in a bunch trying to figure out who shredded her invitation. What I want to know is how does she KNOW it was shredded. Could the first one have fallen off and gotten ruined and subsequently tossed and then another one put up there and b/c of the fuss she made about the first one some one tossed the second? If it weren't such a 'big deal' to her and such a drama with her pulling us all aside and one of the nurses telling her 'even if I did care, why would I take it down?' after Krystal told at least one CENA that she knows this nurse destroyed the invitation b/c according to Krystal the nurse doesn't like her. Another CENA told her 'you not going to have friends everywhere you go' when she was cross examined and my response was I'm 'not keeping track your stuff.' Okay, so here's my take on the whole thing. WHO REALLY CARES? The invitation looked like a cut and paste job that was done by a first grader by hand (not on a computer) and it was the cheesiest invitation to anything I've ever read. AND if a couple elopes, they are forgoing any reception and should NOT expect gifts at a later date b/c now it's convenient for them to include the rest of the world in their marriage. AND I'M SAYING THIS AS SOMEONE WHO HAD A WEDDING WITH JUST ME, MY HUSBAND & HIS BEST FRIEND. If you have a 'wedding' at a later date aren't you really saying that the first one didn't count? Really, the whole idea seems a bit 'give me gifts, give me money' to me. BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION, IT SHOULDN'T MATTER TO ANYONE ELSE B/C THEY ARE ENTITLED TO THEIRS TOO! (That's my disclaimer Krystal, don't get all huffy and in my face about any of this, get a life and stop playing house, grow up!) Okay, enough on the subject. No wait, one more thought: I saw her husband skateboarding in front of the Holiday station yesterday when I was on my way to my hair appointment. SKATEBOARDING? REALLY? HOW OLD ARE YOU? DON'T YOU HAVE A JOB OR ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR DAY BESIDES RIDING UP AND DOWN THE SIDEWALKS OF DOWNTOWN ONTONAGON? Okay, enough on the Krystal and (sorry can't think of his name).

It's a beautiful day, I wish I were more awake to enjoy it.

In the background I'm listening to Jeremy listen to 'Uncle John's Bathroom Reader' promo by some guy on YouTube. Another book full of useless information/facts/and other junk we don't need to know.

Oh, Brooke finally had her baby. They took him by c-section yesterday. 7 # .5 oz. Owen George, just as previously announced. I'm sure she will have pictures on the bulletin board (let's hope they don't 'disappear!') and she will have him in sharing him with all of us.

Oh, according to Terri, (and she would know) Jeannine is coming back. More drama. I had forgotten how much drama she added to the day. I wonder if she'll be days or will actually have to take an afternoon shift.

Okay, I'm going to do some serious dubbing online. Missed out on it last night before work and this morning after work b/c something was wrong & I don't know what to do to make it work. If the link doesn't work, I'm sunk, and have to wait for Jeremy to fix it.

Twenty five years ago, The King, Richard Petty won his 200th race. President Regan was there to congratulate him. He, The King (not Regan, he's dead) played a big part in the pre-race festivities. Here is a replica car that he drove around the track today. And above is of a really good picture of The King that was taken today.

This is a before picture of Kyle's car and
of course, the winner, Tony Stewart.

And the aftermath.
Thankfully the safer barrier and the
COT keeps everyone safe!
It would be bad if someone were
to get hurt. Yes, I'd feel bad if it were Kyle.
Just 'cause I don't like the dude doesn't mean I
want him to get hurt/die. It would make him
one of those people who are always talked
about and wonder what could have been.
Which would only make me like him even less.

Things were so much better tonight.

Got another strip done on the afghan for Marcus. It keeps reminding me of white frosting with blue writing/decoration on it.

Huge accident at the end of the 4th of July Daytona Coke Zero 400. Will look for photos to post, it was pretty spectacular. I wish I could have watched it. Will have to find out when they are replaying it. Couldn't find anything on the ESPN channels or Speed. Did find bowling though. And people complain about watching cars drive in circles! What about watching someone else bowl? It's bad enough watching everyone else bowl when you're bowling with them, why would you put yourself voluntarily thru that?

Okay, I'm off to find pictures of the wrecks from the 400.

I'm tired, and going to bed in a few minutes.

I'm ready for a good stiff drink! What a night, it was rough. Of course I can't go into details, but the full moon isn't until the 7th and we are in trouble if it gets worse than last night.

Nothing else to report. I feel bad for Jeremy, I was pretty cranky with him on the phone earlier. I know he knows I wasn't mad at him, but it's still not fair to him.

Okay, going to find a stiff drink and going to bed.

I'm stressing about money again. We just got paid, Jeremy & I both got checks today. 1/2 of last month's rent, truck payment, phone bill, garbage disposal, cable & internet are the bills that got paid. I also bought groceries and misc stuff from Pamida, Jeremy bought his new e-reader and we have $150 to pay for meds and misc groceries the next two weeks. It should be enough, but I really feel bad about being so behind in the rent. I know Mom needs the $$$ but you can't get blood from a turnip. It doesn't help that I didn't get paid for a day of working b/c of the way they pay midnights. I will get it next check, but that doesn't help us now. And I think they charged me more for the cheese than I thought they were going to. I will have to check that out tonight when I pick up my check stub from work.

Things are going well, but I feel stressed nontheless. Money will do that to you. We can always return pop bottles if it comes down to that.

I finished an afghan for Leah's baby shower. It's the one that Jeremy calls 'cookies & cream.' I also started a new one for Marcus. It's in the style that Grandma used but nowhere near what she would have done in her later years. I stopped the zig zag one b/c it wasn't soft and fluffy. I don't like how it feels.

Bruce & Julie are holding a baby shower for Leah, Freddie & Marcus on the 11th. I'm not sure if we will go or not. Don't know if I'm up to that yet.

It's raining in Daytona. So far rain has messed with every race this year. Joey won last week the race was called b/c of rain but a win is a win anyway you get it.

As Seen on TV

Okay, so we've bought a few things that are 'As Seen on TV.'

The Pedi Paws ~ Our dogs are afraid it. They don't mind it when it's not on, but when it turns on they bolt. We tried getting them used to it, they are fine so long as it's not turned on. I'm pretty sure Tracy would even gnaw on it if we let her, but if it accidentally turned on, she would be completely freaked out.

Soft & Smooth ~ The hair removal system. It's like using sandpaper. I remember in 8th grade when we were making wooden key holders in shop class. The thing I remember most was the endless sanding. We would bring the piece of wood to the teacher and he would pencil where it needed to be sanded more. This is just like that. You think you're finished and you run your hand over the skin and nope, there's more to do still. Maybe if I didn't have two day's worth of stubble? I have just as smooth skin with shaving and it's so much quicker.

Watering Bulbs ~ They work okay. As they are supposed to. The problem with them is I forget to fill them so the plant still gets droopy and looks like it's about to die before I remember to water it. The plant is outside now and nature's doing a much better job keeping it alive than I do in the house.

I think my cold is finally over. I'm not coughing like I used to.

Work's going well. We have a new computer system that we are just starting up. Midnights is doing good with it. Days and afternoons is having a harder time with it. It took some girls as long as it took me to do all of them on midnights to do theirs during the day. Theirs takes longer b/c they have to chart on eating and what they actually do during the day. Midnights is easier b/c we can chart 'did not occur' for 85% of what's being asked about. Tonight is change over, end of the month, what ever you want to call it. I haven't done that before, but looked it over last night to get it in my head what needs to be done. It won't be hard, just long and tedious. Twice or three times the amount of paper work and then charting on the computer. Tiffany said she'd help me, I shouldn't need it if it's quiet like the last two nights, if it's like the three before it, well, we will need all the help we can get. I'm trying to look at this optimistically. If I don't work will be alot more frustrating and it will all be my fault. I'm watching some of the girls who are good on the floor and they are so down about using the computer that they are stressed all day about what they have to do at the end of the day. Not good.

It's raining. Anna is across the road playing and screaming. I'm assuming everyone down the block is home and hearing her. What a ear piercing screech! She's stopped now, maybe someone has said something. Nope cancel that, she's moved down the block, I can still hear her, she's just farther away. Well, at least she's off irritating someone else.

I've been gritting my teeth the last two morning while I sleep. Yesterday I actually dreamed that I couldn't talk decently b/c of my pain in the jaws. They are still sore, I'm trying to relax those muscles.

Okay, so this is a night shift that I won't forget anytime soon. Of course I can't go into details, but uhgg, what a terrible night. The only way it could have gotten worse ... no strike that I can think of alot of ways it could have gotten worse. I'm glad it wasn't as bad as it could have been. And I didn't have to stay over, even better! I'm headed to bed as soon as these meds kick in.

Silly me, I've been bringing a ball of yarn to work now for two days hoping to turn it into the beginning of a baby blanket. I haven't even pulled it out at work.

I made a recipe from a mystery book I was reading. I should have known, the book wasn't that great, and I've already tossed the recipe. What I want to know is if the author even tried the recipes before she had them printed in the book. And did she do a taste test with people in her publishing company or even family? I'm guessing not, b/c those muffins were more like bricks than anything else.

Leah had the baby. Marcus Fischer was born this morning. Cool thing happened when I heard the news. Jeremy asked me if I was okay with it, and I had to ask myself why I wouldn't be. Then I remembered and I still dono't have a problem with it. I'm healing, It's only taken 5 years, but I'm getting there.

The whole Micheal Jackson sounds fubar to me. His doctor's vehicle has been impounded & they have robbery homicide detectives looking into his death. What???

Farrah Fawcett & Michael Jackson both died

So Farrah's death is so overshaddowed by Michael Jackson's death. That's so not fair. Not that anyone can do anything about it but two in one day, not fair to Farrah.

The living room looks so much better. I'm inspired to do more. One room at a time I guess.

I started the zig zag afghan today. I'm using the fugly colors from Vinnies. They are clashing so much they are going together. It's alot easier than I thought it would be.

My cough is still there. Just a tickle that makes me catch my breath every so often.

Jeremy's upstairs said he had to put his feet up. It's lonely down here with out him. Yes, he drives me nuts with his OCD outbursts that boarder on terets. But it's quiet w/o him down here and I wish he could stay down here later. I would go up there, but I will only end up falling asleep. We snuggle for 10 minutes, then he has to sit up, I roll over and fall asleep. I love to snuggle, but I can't sleep this early yet.

There's absolutely nothing of interest on tv. AMC is on, but I've watched it already. But b/c there's nothing else on it is what is on tv. At least I didn't watch all of OLTL. And Southern Belles is on after that. I started watching tv from On Demand, but quickly blew thru the few shows I would even be interested in watching.

I ALMOST FORGOT MY BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENT OF THE DAY!

I BEAT CARI'S SCORE AT FARKLE.

SECOND GAME AFTER I GOT OFF OF WORK.

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S WHAT GAVE ME THE BOOST TO KICK THE LIVING ROOM INTO SHAPE.

GUESS I SHOULD PLAY FARKLE MORE OFTEN, THE HOUSE WOULD BE CLEANER! jk, it won't help at all.

I've been up for almost 24 hours now. I got home from work this morning and felt like cleaning. I shucked out the living room. Mostly just got rid of the junk and rearranged all the books that were hanging off of every surface.

After Jeremy got up we mailed Niki & Dak his diabetic stuff. I hope they appreciate it. I hope this helps him take it more seriously.

It was weird watching my stories during the day. It felt like it should be late evening. That and I was starting to get tired.

I got two garbage bags full of yarn from Vinnies today. Only $12.50 for all of it. I'm going to work on another Fugly Afghan. This time I'm gonna practice those stitches that still have to be mastered. Then I'm gonna put them together like a patchwork. Should make it pretty Fugly. And a good learning experience.

Also picked up alot of towels and Jeremy found a few books.

Well it turns out the woman who does the paperwork came down from Houghton just for Jeremy. He called and told them I was sick and he couldn't get there. They called back and left a message saying he needed to call back. We didn't get the message until after they closed for business.

Oh, an Mom called back returning my call from Sunday. It's what? Tuesday? Good thing nothing was life threatening or no one died. I'm also guessing she also wants rent $$$$.

Jeremy met Missy today. It was so interesting listening to them talk. I think they are twins separated at birth. Jeremy was afraid if he met her that they'd be scared to talk to each other and just stare at each other like they are freaks. Nope, they talked and talked and talked.

We got an industrial size fan for the dining room table. It's pulling the North side of the house cool air into the house. It was so hot in the house b/c I forgot to shut off the oven last night before I went to work. Oops! I've got to start being more careful.

It's cooling down outside, and it's starting to feel cooler in here too.

It's Tuesday morning. This working midnights is strange. I never know what day it is. Jeremy has an appointment to do paperwork at the doctor's office. It's been rescheduled every month for the last six months. One more month isn't going to do anyone any damage.

My arms and hands ache. This weather is killing me. We had a thunderstorm go thru last night. Not sure if we actually got the rain but the barometer is going all over. I haven't been upstairs to see Jeremy, but I'm guessing that he's in agony too.

Right now it's 85 inside the house and 75 outside. I have the fan blowing in, but I'm guessing we are either going to spend the whole day upstairs in the a/c or are going to buy a few more fans and have burgers on the Foreman for supper.

Leah hasn't had the baby yet. She's been off of bed rest for 3 weeks and still hasn't gone into labor. Did I write about that last night? Seems vaguely familiar. I remember maybe something about Freddie taking his sweet time showing up in the world too. Hmm, just had another thought, he's still that way, like Grandpa Frank Wall.

This cold is kicking my butt! I couldn't even lay down and sleep in bed this morning. I ended up on the couch.

The bun is still in the oven. Leah's been off of bedrest for almost three weeks and still the baby is deciding that it will take his own sweet time. I guess like Father like Son. Freddie was almost 4 weeks late according to the doctor's calculations. The baby was due about this time, but it could be a while still b/c the doctors kept moving the date around. I guess they were hedging their bets.

I'm tired, I'm gonna try to sleep some more.

Jeremy's not doing good with me working midnights. His fibro pain is getting to him. The lyrica isn't doing anything, or it's helping but not enough. Don't want to take him off of it to see which it is. Either way, it's not good.

Work is going okay. There's alot of rumors going around about different things. I will wait until things actually happen before I get all bent out of shape about what I've heard.

Warm and muggy again. It's been so muggy the last few days. Over night the humidity was over 90%. My alergies (or is it a cold? I'm not sure which it is anymore) are kicking my butt. I'm on the verge of coughing more of the time. Either way the claritan & benedryl aren't completely covering it. I've been pounding the liquids, make me have to pee, there is no easy solution to anything is there?

They are racing in Sonoma today. KY is leading. GRRR I really don't like that dude. They are doing double file restart. It looks pretty hairy. They took half a lap to get the majority of the guys back in line. Got to give the guys credit, they didn't wreck, looked like more than one wee on the edge of wrecking. Boris just got completely turned around and nobody wrecked. It was in the middle of a corner and they all managed to avoid him. KY has a red M&M with flames on a dark blue background. Very cool looking car. Too bad the driver's who he is.

PBS is going like gangbusters!

8:20 Friday nite. Jeremy's watching qualifying for Sonoma. I won't get to watch them tonight b/c Soap Channel doesn't show them Saturday mornings.

I scrapped my mint/baby blue teddy bear afghan for now. It's going to be too wide and not tall enough. I'm working on a different version, will make the first as a pot holder b/c it's good sized then will make a bigger version as a baby blanket.

Paper Back Swap is going like gang busters for me. We stopped at Vinnies sometime in the last few days I had off and I have 4 books to go out and one that I will probably just mail to a woman b/c the corner of the hard cover is chewed up. I pmed her and asked her if I wanted to just send it to her w/o taking the credit. Will see how bad she wants the book. I may just mail it to her anyway if I don't hear from her before I send out the other books. I ordered a Macomber book, the first in the Blossom Street series. I also checked out the Cedar Cove series, I got book number 5 and it looks like that's where I'm at in reading the series. Might have to wish list that series too.

And I have to kick butt and finish reading my Eggs in Purgetory book b/c it's been requested from me. I said that I can mail it by the 25th, so I have almost a week to do it, but am going to pound the reading tonight at work.

I have to work the next 5 nights. Hope my routine gets down good. Don't want to only work and sleep. The biggest problem I'm having is Jeremy's sleeping what he wants and I'm not spending as much time with him as I'd like. Can't blame him though, he needs his sleep. Tracey is on his sleep schedule, Katey's been staying up to sleep with me. She's really messed up as far as sleeping goes.

Okay got to go and pop chicken in the oven for Jeremy and get my work clothes off the line. Hopefully they are dry enough. I do have some in here, but don't want to wear them. Will do what I got to do. Maybe Missy's working tonight and she brings in those clothes. I'm pretty stoked about them. She will probably forget and it will be another three months before I get them. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.

Hot and muggy. 78 degrees but feels like 95.

Went to Harbor Town for supper. Nothing new there. Except the fries were better than normal. I ordered the nachos and cheese and a mushroom swiss burger. Of course I didn't even finnish the nachos and cheese, so the burger's in the fridge.

We've had the fixings for tacos for days now and I've not made them yet. Have to tomorrow b/c the lettuce & green onion is going to get soggy and the hamburger that I've been thawing is going to go bad. It still had some frozen in the middle, so I know it's good still.

Hit the jackpot at Vinnies. Lots of books and 1/2 dozen scrub pants that are long enough. I figured if the weren't I'd make shorts out of them. There were three pairs that are to short. Will offer them to Missy and if she doesn't want them, will make shorts out of them.

Finally did laundry, haven't done laundry since before I was sick, which was almost two weeks ago. I was running out of socks, and washing my bras by hand. I hung them out while it was raining. Figured at least they are out there and they will eventually dry. Hope the towels are at least semi dry tomorrow before work b/c they are all out on the line.

Saw Cheri and her old man at Vinnies. She looked ragged. Wonder what's going on with that mess. At least she's not in jail. Could be worse. I wonder if the let her shop at Pat's? Not that there's another place to grocery shop. I would be embarassed to show my face there.

I finished the pink & white granny square afghan. It's 45 inches square, and it's bigger than I thought it would be. I'm now working on a baby green and blue teddy bear silouette afghan. Found the pattern for cross stitch and am using it as a guide.

I found some really cool snow men too. That's next. Don't know if I'm going to want to sell it, but it will bring in big bucks. Should also start thinking about that snow flake one too. Have to go back online and find the patterns b/c they were on the other computer and I don't even know where it's been stashed.

Am going snow flake hunting! Hope that makes me feel cooler. Right now I'm wearing an orange Nike t shirt that I cut the sleeves off of. I'm using on of the sleeves as a sweat catcher. I'm sure I look funny but you know what, you got to live a little. Have fun. Not take yourself so seriously.

Good night at work. I have the next two nights off. Don't want to go to bed yet. Should stay up and do stuff and get a nap in later.

My toe nail was bothering me at work. So when I came home I tugged it off. It was barely connected, just stuck in the side of the toe nail crease, if that makes sense. I tripled it up good and wrapped it up good and I'm feeling good about it now.

It's 7:30 in the morning and in the mid 50's already. It's over cast, so maybe it won't get as high as they say it will (mid 70's). Even if it stays where it's at right now would be fine.

Here's a picture of Megan sitting on my lap. This was taken the Friday of Ben's graduation. She's always so interested in me crocheting. And she always asks if this blanket is going to be for her. That's b/c she has two I made for her and one I made for her babies. And Ryan has one too. Not sure who that afghan is for yet. I've stopped working on that one, in fact I think that was the last night I worked on it.

I finished Jackie's and brought it to work last night.

I started a pink and white large granny square afghan. Just had to use that pink. It was calling me. I think this may be the first one that I put online and use the "I'm selling my beloved afghans to pay for my disabled husband's medications."

It will be used for house hold bills. We're spending almost $300 on our meds a month. That's nuts. It would be close to $1,000 a month if it weren't for his prescription plan, but his prescription plan is screwed and we have to find a better one this fall when we can change plans.

Beautiful day! Low 70's and a nice breeze.

We've had a good day. Got up late morning. Made french toast and a jello cake.

Dubbed on the computer most of the day.

Henry took this June 10. It's a sunrise over Lake Superior. He takes such beautiful pictures, I'm going to start sharing them here.

I remember this morning, the colors outside the hospital windows was beautiful. By the time I got home, it was just another morning.

Jeremy's sick and I have a headache and were both cranky.

It's almost 3:30 Friday. I've been up since almost this time yesturday. I worked last night and don't have to back until Monday at 10:30.

I'm working on Jackie's afghan. I'm almost done. I've been blasting it out. One of my few goals for today (besides stay awake long enough to be able to sleep decently tonight and have a regular weekend with sleeping at night and being up during the day) was to get this afghan done.

No one in this house is happy with me right now. Jeremy wants me to go to sleep. The dogs are giving me dirty looks b/c they have to wait to go upstairs til I go. And I think the cats want the downstairs to themselves.

It's official, I'm full time!

Yeah, whooo whoooo whooooo!

I got the midnight bid. I had a note from Donna to come see her and I was afraid it was b/c I called in Sunday night. I'm at my limit for calling in for the year. I have to be almost dead and have a doctor's slip to call in. I won't go into the details but we aren't allowed many call-ins per year. Which is good b/c there are alot of call-ins and they are being slowed down by this policy.

Okay, I got to get off my butt and get some work done around here before it's time to get ready and do it all over again tonight.

I must say, I'm addicted to Farkle! The one I'm playing is connected to facebook, but I'm pretty sure you can play it other places, just haven't b/c I've bookmarked this one. I tried playing UNO online with other players online but one left three rounds in and the rest of us were left hanging. It would be fun to play against Jeremy and others I know online.

Okay, seriously, there's cat boxes calling me and trash to be taken out and something has to be done about food. Hmmm, nothing really sounds good now.

Imaginarybitches.com

Just watched the whole first series, so funny.

I go back to work tonight. I guess I'm ready, I'm not feeling at bad as I was, just don't feel like going in. Also have a mandatory meeting tomorrow to. We've had a lot of them lately. I'm going to need to work on practicing the CENA charting too. If I don't get that done tonight will stay after the meeting tomorrow.

Have to do something about our messy house. Guess that's why we got the dumpster. To just ditch all the junk we don't use. Have been mostly emptying that garage out, but should work on the misc stuff in my room and Jeremy's room. Also our bedroom has accumulated an unbelievable amount of junk. Should work on that this week.

I'm finally over half way done with that afghan for Jackie. It's alot warmer and heavier than the original version. I'm happier with this one. I hope she likes it too.

Oh, I was looking at the afghans on ebay. One of the women put that she has to sell the afghan to pay for her baby's birthday gift. Talk about trying to pull on the heart strings. It gave me the idea of putting mine up there and saying that I really don't want to sell the afghans (I don't, but CAN'T keep them all), and that I "need the money to pay for my disabled husband's meds. " I could also use the "need money to fix our vehicle to take my disabled husband to his doctor's appointments." Which pulls on your heart strings more? Both are true. We are always short on money for meds and the truck needs to be worked on again.

Okay, so Jeremy is trying to make me feel guilty about even thinking about posting such a thing on ebay. It will be such a long time before I finish them to sell them that most likely I will forget I was even thinking about tugging at heart strings.

Monday night, still sick.

I took musinex earlier and my lungs aren't as full of crap, but every times I cough my lungs and thoat burn.

It's raining outside and only in the high 40's. At this rate I will never get my tree outside. Sweet Pea was eating/beating the tree/bush I took home from Grandpa's funeral. It's currently in Jeremy's room waiting to go outside when it gets warmer. I'm actually surprised that I haven't killed it yet, I'm really not good with growing green things. Heck, how am I kidding, I'm not good with the other living things here either, but they refuse to die!!! Just kidding honey, was checking to see if you are reading my blog. Seriously though, it's amazing the animals haven't mutinied.

I just remembered I have to do Jeremy's meds, should go do that. See yah!

I'm sick

I'm sick. My sinus cold has settled into my chest and it feels like my lungs are coming loose every time I cough.

We watched Gene Simmons Family Jewels. It was a new episode. Sophie's Sweet Sixteen Birthday Party. Nick & Sophie's sibling rivalry was classic. Very funny, I seriously recommend the show, so funny and so not what you expect.

I wish I had more energy. My shoulders are too achy to crochet. I never thought that would happen. Huh, I thought my fingers would hurt too much first.

Okay, I've only been up for 4 hours but I'm thinking bed is calling.

Free chocolate for me!

I did it! I checked my email this morning after I got home from work and there was an email there reminding me to sign up for the free chocolate.

So I stayed up and dubbed on the computer and counted down the last 5 minutes waiting for the screen to change and for me to register.

I thought for sure the site would crash, but it didn't and in 6 weeks, after I've forgotten all about free chocolate there should be a coupon in the mail for free chocolate.

Had a two hour education session learning how to chart on residents on the computer. Should be easy once I know the program. There's another session for practice tomorrow and then next week too. Have to figure out what I'm working and sign up for some practice time. They said we can stay late or come in early to practice, so maybe I will do that. Will see how I'm feeling after working the shift and go from there.

Nice day out, mid 70's, over cast. Too bad we don't have the girls hook up ready for them in back, would be nice to have supper outside in the screen tent. I feel bad leaving the girls in the house though, so we will have to wait for a little more money (two weeks til pay day again) to buy the stakes and more leads.

We aren't completely broke, have enough for the essentials (ie. meds). We should really gather up all the returnables and get rid of them. I don't remember ever having this many sitting around. We have a couple bags in the garage already and more up stairs in the kitchen. Then it's just collecting the rest from our various dumping places in the house.

I;m bored

Jeremy went to bed early. He's been up there since 6 or 7.

I watched AMC and then OLTL.

Nothing on tv, not much online.

I looked at what to post on PBS, I have a couple more that might be of interest to someone.

I have two credits coming and I've been watching boos, really want the new Macomber book, Summer on Blossom Street. Am watching that on Ebay too, there were over 30 books for sale, some as low as $1.

Okay, my meds are starting to kick in, finally, shouldn't have had so much Dr Pepper tonight.

The dogs are getting antsy, I think they can tell I need to pee. They always seem to have an emergency they can't live thru w/o going outside when I have to desperately pee. Okay, going now before I have an emergency.

No Prelude to the Dream tonight

It's raining at El Doro so there won't be a race until September.

ABC still hasnt' gotten channel 10 back on the air. That means that I didn't get to watch AMC at 1. So it's sort of good that the Prelude isn't on tonight, I can watch AMC at 8 on the Soap Channel.

Big accounting error in our checking account. Lesson learned: READ THE FINE PRINT.

Still don't know if I have either bid yet. Tried calling HR only got the voice mail, will try again tomorrow or catch her before my mandatory 3:30-5:50 computer training.

We had a nice afternoon lounging in our screen tent, reading and enjoying nature. It's located in our backyard b/c it is too big for the front yard.

So Bruce stopped by after work. He mentioned something about our lawn needing mowed and I jumped on that and offered his arm to reef on the mower. He took it apart and messed with stuff, Jeremy can tell you what, and it still doesn't start. I'm hoping Jeremy will look up what's wrong with it and we can get it fixed.

Okay, that was 45 minutes ago. As I wrote that Bruce came over again. This time he brought a push mower and it starts first pull! The biggest difference between ours and his, besides that his works and ours doesn't is this one is propelled by me and ours is self propelled.

I mowed the back yard in 30 minutes. Not sure how long it usually takes with ours alot longer now since ours isn't working.

Okay, so here's the problem

Every time Jeremy shows me something wrong with what ever it always involves going out and buying the fix.

Okay, I understand that, it's perfectly logical.

Here's the problem.

I always here 'we have to spend more money.'

We don't have an endless supply and it always feels like we need more than we will ever have.

Now I'm stressed about the lawn mower. And the truck needs a whole new blinker switch.

And we are both cranky. The dogs are getting the brunt of it. They come near Jeremy and he yells at them to leave him alone.

I'm cranky again

Okay, I'm cranky again. I woke up and I was okay. I came downstairs and the cats had gotten into the garbage and had it all over the floor in the living room. It was way worse than when we went to bed and it was a mess when we went to bed. Grr.

I'm trying hard to be a good person. I'm working very hard on not swearing.

Jeremy's new computer is messed up. It crashed yesterday and he's still not got it back to normal.

Still need to get the lawn mower going and mow the lawn today. And put the screen tent up. Will see how far we get. Probably not too far, I'm achy and I know Jeremy doesn't have many spoons.

Tuesday

A pretty good day.

Work went good. I had the same group I will if I get the bid. So far no one else has signed the bid. So far so good.

Jackie brought the yarn to work today. It's the same one that I made for Megan. Pink camo. I'm using the same stitch that I'm working on with the other pink camo yarn. Really quick. I already have one skein into the afghan already. 3 hours, one skein, that included the base row and that's takes alot longer, so hopefully it will go quicker now. I've measured how far one skein goes and figured that the afghan should be about 5 feet long, give or take a little. Which is what Jackie wanted, so this should work out good.

It sounds like Dak, Niki's husband is diabetic. It was interesting listening to Jeremy give Niki how tos and how not tos. I know he's working hard and I'm proud of him. I wish he could loose weight, it would make it so much easier for him. Not that I'm one to talk, I've been gaining weight too.

Okay, it's getting late, time to go to bed.

Memorial Day

Well today I worked the group that will most likely be my bid in a couple weeks. Hopefully I will get a routine with the group eventually. That or it will be changed out a little.

As usual free meal on Holidays. Tonight it was ham, cheesy potatoes, green beans, dinner roll and peach cobbler. A meal I wouldn't mind making at home, but it would kill Jeremy with all the salt.

I've started another John Sandford novel. I hadn't read this one, somehow I missed this one, I thought I had read them all, gues I hadn't.

The door is fixed!

After fighting with the garage door for a shorter time that I thought we would have to, Jeremy & I fixed it. It is only with fiberboard, so it's not completely permanent, but it's good for now and the dumpster offically is home in the garage now.

Our Vinnie's tools worked great! The circular saw and drill more than paid for themselves.

We didn't put up the screen tent, sort of ran out of energy for that. Another day.

Coke 600 starts in a few minutes.

I remembered this morning that Dan & Gloria are at the District Convention in Green Bay this weekend, won't get a reply until at least some time on Monday.

Have I mentioned how bad I hate the lawn mower yet this summer? I can't get it going. I reefed on the cord for a while and it almost caught, but wouldn't. I will go out again a little later and try again.

Jeremy's still in bed. His feet were really bothering him last night. He didn't fall asleep til after 4 this morning. So I will let him sleep for a while still.

Can't find any more games that I'm interested in yet. I've tried Bejeweled Twist and two versions on Seven Wonders. The Bejeweled Twist is just plain boring and the Seven Wonders both had something go wrong and close down. I'm not fighting with it, it wasn't all that fun anyway.

Okay, so I love my new computer! Thank you Brian! I do have to figure out all of my old bookmarks b/c I couldn't remember the password or account that Jeremy made for the older computer.

Currently Sunday morning, 10 am. I'm contemplating if I want to try to start the lawn mower by myself or not. I know that I can't the garage door fixed by myself. But could bring in the clothes if I felt like it. Will have to before I do the lawn. Maybe after Jeremy gets up.

Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend

Weird, there isn't the option to choose the font I want this time.

So we slept until almost 1 pm again. I haven't been sleeping well. My left arm has been bothering me, falling asleep and aching. It's gone up to my shoulder blade and makes sleeping terrible. I smell like Ben Gay today, but I feel better.

Cari called not too long after we got up. They were going to Vinnie's and wanted to know if we wanted to come shopping with them. I told them to let us know if Dad was coming and we'd figure it out then. I eventually decided that we can't avoid the man forever and just have to suck it up and be adults and hopefully not make a scene. Jeremy promised he wouldn't but I didn't know what Dad would do. Jeremy wore his earplugs and listened to music. Dad sided up next to him and Jeremy turned to him and said firmly "Back off," Dad did a nervous, giggle/laugh and left him alone.

We got some cool stuff at Vinnies. Some books, towels, a couple tank tops, and a top sheet that's like the back side of the green blanket Grandma Norma made for me almost 30 years ago.

I really have to set up my room so that I can take my green blanket apart and fix the green polyester side and put new filler in the quilt and then top it with the new top sheet that I got today (and the 2 other's I've collected from Vinnie's already).

We got the supplies for fixing the garage door. And we are going to do that BEFORE we set up the screen tent.

I also purchased a couple plants from Pamida. Two tomato plants (one large red and one yellow), a butterfly plant and a hanging basket with coleus. The tomato and butterfly plants have been transferred to their permanent pots and are safely in the garage for the night (away from the possible frost we might get tonight) We are going to put the tomato plants inside the screen tent, they will be safe from rabbit (and deer hopefully, if the deer get them we have bigger problems than the plants being eaten), and we will be able to keep an eye on them and keep them watered.

Oh, and I picked up a crochet pattern book for afghans that has TWO zig zag patterns in it. Too cool! Now I just have to finish what I'm working on before I start anymore. I've got alot of aghans going now:

1) One large granny square purple, blue, pink and white.
2) Shells with rainbow colors
3) Hearts in pieces afghan
4) Basketweave afghan
5) seems like I'm missing one, can't think of it for the life of me, hmm, will have to go to Jeremy's room and figure out if there's another one hanging around somewhere, maybe I'm thinking of the one the Jackie wants me to make for her that I haven't started b/c she has to get the yarn first.

Oh and I also got a plastic basket that I can use for the ball of yarn I'm working with and it will not run all over the floor on me and will stay free of dog hair. And another and table. This one is very sturdy, madeof real wood not plywood or that fiber board stuff that doesn't last long and gets all wobly.

Jeremy wants me to use his old computer, I just have to clean off my desk and find places for all the junk I've collected. Of course it's not all junk, Jeremy's green guitar is up there.

Jeremy gave Ben (neighbor Ben, not brother Ben) his Black & White guitar and I'm happy it went to him and not someone else. Jeremy keeps wanting to sell one of them and I am always afraid that he's going to regret getting rid of them.

The nationwide race tonight is under rain delay. About an hour and a half before the race they got a downpour and there was standing rain on pit row. So far so good, hopefully they will get the track dried soon and start the race. The jet dryers and running around the track now, I wouldn't be surprised if they get the guys in the cars and possibly start under yellow.

The Coke 600 is tomorrow and I can't wait for the race!

Oh and Jeremy found a 2005 Race for the Chase Nascar mug. And I found one of those cute small pots, another pen holder. As Jeremy & I were saying how many of these things can we collect? Well, I guess we could use some in almost every room so maybe we can stop buying them now.

Okay, I'm off to bigger and better things online. Later!!!

Ben graduated today

So Ben graduated tonigh. I cried like a baby. No one asked me if he could grow up. He's still 3 years old in my heart. That cute little boy that would leave love notes on my pillow that would read 'I love you Ben.' The same boy who would run around the house singing 'I should have been a cowboy.' The little boy who sat next to me and embroidered pictures that looked like he had drawn them. I have that around here still somewhere.

Ben got three scholarships tonight totaling $1,300 and some sort of grants that almost completely covers his college tuition. Good for him b/c he doesn't have a summer job yet. Sounds like Mom and Melanie are trying to get him to train for working for Wheels on Meals. Not sure how that would work with school or even if he's applied to do that. He had applied to do what Freddie had done at the Porkies, but I don't see Ben doing that sort of thing. He's just not an out door person.

This afternoon at Mom's Megan and I played with her make up that she got from her Potty Party. We had four different color nail polishes and blue sparkly lip gloss and purple hued body glitter. I don't know where she got to be a girly girl b/c she didn't get it from Cari. Katie is the same way and she didn't get if from Julie.

Dad pulled me aside and asked me to talk to Jeremy to tone down his blog. It won't happen, it's only going to push him to more of the same. I wrote Dan & Gloria an email, I'm really hoping I didn't do something to alienate them, it wasn't my intention.

Leah & Freddie came to Mom's. I got to talk to her for a few minutes. She's doing okay. They don't really know when the baby's due anymore, the date keeps getting moved around. She said that they are going to the doctor twice a week and sometimes more for testing.

Here's another thought: There was a Class of '09 video, we saw it at the ceremony and Ben played it again at Mom's after her famous apple bars and ice cream. While we were watching it the second time I got this weird feeling/thought in the back of my mind. "We will watch this video in 10 years and we will say, 'oh yeah, he died in a car accident.'" Scary & sad I know, just a thought that came into my mind. I'm not sure if it was b/c Ben got the Jessica Urbis scholarship and she died in a car accident or if just a fleeting abstract thought.

Okay, AMC is on, I missed the last half b/c I had to run some errands before going Down to the South End.

Potty Party

So I called Mom's tonight to find out when Ben graduates tomorrow (7 pm by the way) they were in the middle of a Potty Party for Megan. Cari and her made a Jello Cake and Megan decorated it with lots of sprinkles. She also had helium ballons and she was just about to open presents. Sounds like she had a good time.

Jeremy's online friend said he was going to buy a computer for him. I didn't believe and thought I would believe it when it arrived at the house. Jeremy told me today that he hadn't heard from the guy since the night he told Jeremy he was buying it for him. Jeremy thought maybe the guy changed his mind or something. Not 15 minutes after we had that conversation Jeremy went online and the guy was there. He asked if the package had arrived. Long story short, it's scheduled to arrive tomorrow via UPS. You can bet Jeremy will be up and waiting for the package all day.

I have the next three days off. Tomorrow I'm sleeping in and then watching AMC and OLTL. Maybe sometime after than I will go down to Mom's and ride with them to Ben's graduation. Saturday I'm doing laundry and setting up the screen tent. If I can get the lawn mower going the back yard will get a trim. Sunday is the Coca-Cola 600, need I say more for Sunday's plans?

I'm buying another truck after this one is paid off!

So if we aren't going to be allowed to buy the big vehicles in the next 5 years, what's going to stop everyone who can from buying them now even if they don't need it? I'm thinking about getting another and parking it in the garage and running this truck and fixing it until it dies and then drive the truck we've kept in reserve. And hey if we can afford it and are thinking about it, whose to say more people aren't? And this will help the automotive industry too! Someone should pay me for my ideas!

I might actually get paid to crochet an afghan. We will see. One of the girls from work didn't realize that I crochet until tonight and asked me to make on for her. I told her to buy me the yarn and I would do it. She's also willing to pay me. Don't know what I will charge, will have to think about that one for a while.

Hotter than hell today. It's still 82 degrees outside. We sat outside for almost an hour after I got home from work tonight. It was so nice.

We're planning to put up that screen tent this weekend. I have Fri-Sun off. Ben graduates this weekend and Cari & Jason are coming up so I'm guessing I will spend some time down there with them at Mom's.

Okay, I'm off to post on GirlsGetGoing.com and to check out the crocheted afghans on ebay. See what the competition is up to.

I'm still cranky

FITZ! robbed me again. I had to start over. I'm beginning to hate that game. I guess the idea is to buy the game. I got as far as level 20. So now I've started over, might actually buy the game.

I'm still cranky. Am trying not to, just hope I don't take it out on Jeremy.

Work is going better. Two bids were put up. Afternoons and midnights. Hopefully I get one of them. The only thing that will screw me is if one of the day girls wants one of the bids. There is one who had a midnight bid who might want to go back. I wouldn't blame her if I did, maybe I would get that bid, one of the tougher groups but it would be okay.

AMC is getting a bit weird. Liza wants Amanda's baby and hasn't told her that she's taking it instead of making adoption plans for a sweet couple like Amanda wants the baby to go to. Stuart died instead of Adam and now he wants to go on the run with Annie and Emma. And I really the new Tad, they said he would come back with a new personality and now he's telling bad jokes. And I'm guessing the person who shot Stuart is one of the following women: Gayle (the nurse who was trying to overdose him on his meds per David), Liza (one of this exwives), Marissa (he was blackmailing Krystal about selling Marissa as a baby), or Amanda (she's pregnant, who knows what her hormones will make her do? And she's the only one who seems not to have a motive for killing Adam/Stuart so must make me wonder why, she must hate him for something).

Jeremy's been sick more lately. I'm really worried about him. I really don't know what to do for him. I feel like we don't do anything together anymore and that's really bothering me. I love him so much and it feels like he's slipping away. I miss him. I don't know what to do to make me feel like we are close again.

The last two nights I could really use an AB. Not sure why, just a feeling. I had this really weird dream last night I'm still unsettled by it. Don't remember much except that I couldn't get home and no one was helping me. It was so strange, I finally came across this little boy and he told me to 'shut the fuck up' and I picked him up in my arms and cried. It was Gherra, he was the only thing I had from home and he made me feel so safe. He came and sat with me while I was watching TV earlier and it was like he knew that I needed the comfort again. Even now I'm crying about it and have that uneasy feeling again. Both girls are sleeping next to me and they're a comfort, but Gherra he's my original protector. I think I'm going to go upstairs and snuggle with Jeremy.

Saturday May 16

My back is doing okay. Doesn't hurt, but I can feel it. Will be extremely careful tonight and hopefully with be okay.

Jeremy's sick. He sounds like he will have an asthma attack any minute.

Grandpa's burial was this morning. I didn't remember until about 2 am this morning, while I was fighting with the new rainbow shell afghan.

Yes, that means I've finished the Cookies & Cream afghan. For now, it's only 44 x 46 inches. Not all that big. Good for a baby, but I need to add another skein to make it look like an afghan and do the edging.

So I had been thinking alot about Grandpa lately. I've really noticed him missing at work this last couple weeks. In the back of my mind his burial has been looming for a while. I was actually crying feeding residents in the dining room the other night. Thankfully I was feeding, those residents are less aware of those around them.

The pit crew challenge has been playing on Speed over and over since it aired live on Thursday. It's pretty cool watching b/c you see a different side of the whole Nascar team. Oh and Tony has packing on the pounds. I hadn't noticed it as much in his fire suit, but in street clothes, it's pretty obvious.