She sits in the dark on the ground next to the fire pit that he made. Slowly she feeds the fire, one piece of paper at a time. Is the pain of a lifetime burning in that fire? Memory after memory going up in flames. Another piece of paper, this time she pokes at the fire. Is she imagining someone or just making sure the fire doesn't go out? Another piece of paper and the flame shoots higher. The flames dance, mesmerizing her with the ever shifting colors. Is she picturing him in the flames? Another piece of paper, the smoke gets in her eyes and she wipes away a tear. Is she relieved he's gone or just so tired that it doesn't matter anymore? Another piece of paper …

Pattern number 117 from Crochet & Creative Design by Annette Feldman

Multiple of 18 ch:

Row 1: With MC, ch 1, 1 sc in 2nd ch from hk, * 1 sc in next ch, repeat from * across, ch 1, turn.

Row 2: With MC, 2 sc in 1st sc, *1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (insert hk in next sc, yo and draw through) twice, yo and draw through 3 lps on hk (1 dec made), 1 dec over next 2 sc, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (2 sc in next sc) twice, repeat from * across and end 1 sc in each of last 7 sc, insert hk in last sc worked, yo and draw through, drop MC, with CC yo and draw through 2 lps on hk, ch 1 turn.

Row 3: With CC, 2 sc in 1st sc, * 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (1 dec over next 2 sts) twice, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (2 sc in next sc) twice, repeat from * across and end 2 sc in last sc, ch1, turn.

Row 4: With CC, 2 sc in 1st sc, * 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (1 dec over next 2 sts) twice, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (2 sc in next sc) twice, repeat from * across and end 1 sc in each of last 7 sc, insert hk in last sc worked, drop CC, with MC yo and draw through 2 lps on hk, ch 1, turn.

Row 5: With MC, 2 sc in 1st sc, * 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (1 dec over next 2 sc) twice, 1 sc in each of next 6 sc, (2 sc in next sc) twice, repeat from * across and end 2 sc in last sc, ch 1 turn.

Repeat rows 2 through 5 for pattern.

My heart is still pounding. I let the girls out to pottie and I look up and Katey goes shooting across the road and into the neighbor's yard. I was over there almost as quick but by the time I had gotten there she had sniffed Pepper's butt and was looking up at Coleen wanting to say hello to the dog she was holding. Coleen calmly put her hand down and grabbed Katey's collar and she let her and sat down. She then let me lead her home, w/o getting all excited. I know she was thinking "I'm in trouble, I'm in trouble, here comes the muzzle, I'm in big trouble." I got her hooked up and she squatted and peed. The whole time Tracey's barking her fool head off wanting in on the action. It was harder to calm Tracey down than Katey. Katey actually acted like a good girl, I'm so surprised!!!

Okay. My heart is slowing down a little now.

I'm trying to stay up until the clinic opens at 9:00. I need to call in some scripts and make appointments for me and Jeremy. Jeremy for a follow-up on his ER / Acute visit. Me b/c the nerves in my left arm are bothering me. Most of the time the palm of my hand is semi-numb, and feels spongy. Even as I type this I'm noticing that I'm having trouble typing with my fourth & fifth finger. I hope they don't think that I'm having heart trouble b/c I'm having trouble with my left arm. Just my luck they'll hook me up to machines and say that now I've got to stay over.

Okay, nothing else to write, I'm going to go play with my farms on Farm Ville.

Friday we went to Jeremy's doctor appointment and the nurse took his vitals, the doc came in and sent him over to the ER. ER kept him for a few hours waiting for test results then sent him over to Acute and he stayed the night.

I did not like having him there. It's one thing to have him sleeping upstairs while I'm downstairs or me sleeping upstairs and him downstairs AND a completely different thing having him not here at all.

I got a good taste of what it would be like if he actually did die AND I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT! It's good incentive to keep on the diet plan that we've started the other day.

The animals didn't like it either. Begherra kept looking out the window for him and Katie went from room to room looking for him.

And I realized something today. Begherra came to see if I was a 'bergular' today. He didn't do that when Jeremy wasn't here. It's part of his way of protecting Jeremy.

It's funny how the animals all have their different ways of taking care of him. Sweet Pea snuggles with him. Tracey sits with him when he's on the toilet and gives him kisses. Katey pretty much ignores him unless his sugar is off and she pesters him then. Begherra protects him from 'bergulars' and Nermal just plain ignores him completely unless she's cold and wants to snuggle to get warm.

Okay, I'm off to bed. Time to snuggle and get some good shut eye before someone has out to "oot and aboot" or I need to make something eat for Jeremy.

The North End is loosing too much

So last month Maple Manor closed. 60+ workers lost their jobs. Long Term hired 3 aides from there, no nurses or administration. Who knows where the housekeepers and kitchen crew are working, if at all.

Because of that Beacon ambulance closed. Aspirus is stepping in as a short term stop gap SONCO is letting them use a bus. Its not a long term fix.

And now the mill is closing. Approximately Sept 15 is the last day.

Unreal. There's going to be nothing to keep people here.

People so are on a fixed income are what's going to be keeping the economy going. How does THAT work?

I thought of Henry today ...

So I read something today that was very interesting. Sadly it reminded me of the Henry Kisor books.

Here's what I read in the Ironwood Daily Globe today:

Body found may be missing Illinois man

HAIGHT TOWNSHIP -- The Ontonagon Sheriff's Department found a man dead Saturday after investigating an abandoned vehicle off Forest Highway 5311 in Haight Township.

The vehicle was registered under the name of a man reported involuntarily missing from Carpentersville, Ill.

Maciej Karwacki, 29, was last seen in June. About 300 yards west of the vehicle, Karwacki was found hanging from a tree.

It sounds like something Steve Martinez would look into. Reminds me of a couple of Henry's stories wrapped together.

It should be interesting to see how he fits into Ontonagon County. Haight Township is the south end, Bruce Crossing - Paulding area. I tried to look up the Forest Highway but couldn't find it on Map Quest or Yahoo Maps. I did find a map of the Ottowa Forest that has all the Forest Highways on it, but it was so little that I couldn't read it. It looks like someone just scanned it in. In fact I think I owned that map 15 years ago. I distinctly remember being facinated by all those back roads and how you can get from one place to another and never have to drive down the highway. You might have to cross the highways but that's it. Anyway, I will have to remember to go to the local Forest Service Office here in Ontonagon. I'm sure Henry's used this type of map as a reference when he wrote his books.

59 degrees and rain. Feels like October. The rain is a fine drizzle the kind that quickly turns to sleet.

My back is getting worse. Thankfully I was paper work last night otherwise I would have ended up in the ER. I'm staying up and calling the clinic as soon as they open. I will take whoever I can get. Hopefully it's Jennifer Weaver. Jeremy saw her a couple weeks ago and I liked her, wouldnl't mind having her for me too. I'm afraid that all the doctor will say is eat right, exercise and loose weight. I'm sure that would help, but something's wrong.

Finally got my cornmeal colored yarn. I love it. I can't wait to work on that afghan again. Will have to dig it out later today and get it set up by the tv.